« Love is in the valley »

Se balader sur le site de Thorn Coyle ça n’est pas juste avoir des réflexions sur la magie et le paganisme. C’est trouver des points d’ancrage dans soi-même et dans sa vie, aller au plus près de la spiritualité. Voici un petit article qui m’a beaucoup parlé.

Love is the valley in which you wander. Every day, we choose to set our feet upon the path. Again. Every day we seek that which feeds us and find inside that which we can offer. Every day we have to recommit to our lives, our relationships, our work, and our soul’s calling. Cut the ties that bind you to the past. Let the past be carried in cells and memory, not in this constant reliving. You are living now. Breath the sweet air that carries this message: life occurs in milliseconds. Things are born and destroyed in the blink of an eye. The future depends upon how you live today. Make your plans then let them be. Focus on the choices of the moment. Be here now. Live.

Do you choose to live in strength? Do you choose to waken beauty? Let us dance.

 

Créer son idéal de vie !

Voilà une idée toute simple qu’elle est bonne !

Elle vient des anglophones, d’un blog que je suis de temps à autres. L’idée est la suivante : pour commencer, répondre à une série de questions concrètes pour cerner notre vie actuelle. Ensuite pouvoir la comparer avec nos idéaux, ce qui parle à notre coeur, car cette mise à l’écrit est un véritable plus pour visualiser ce qui nous voulons vraiment. Elle offre un panorama synthétique de notre vie. Le fond de cette idée étant évidemment d’effectuer des ajustements nécessaires pour vivre plus en accord avec soi-même. Et finalement, pour aller plus loin nous pouvons matérialiser directement notre projet ou idéal de vie : en réalisant un tableau de notre vie souhaitée (board of your life vision).

Voici les étapes pour définir votre vision :

Step 2: Your Career

  • If you could work in any job doing exactly what you want, what would you do?
  • Where would be you working?
  • How many days/hours a week?
  • How much would you make?
  • Who would you work with?
  • How would you feel in this job?

Step 3: Your Relationships

  • Describe the primary love relationship in your life (even if it doesn’t exist right now).
  • How do you communicate and interact?
  • What do you do together?
  • How do you solve problems together?
  • How do you have fun together?
  • Describe your relationship with your children and other family members.
  • Describe your relationship with friends and co-workers.

Step 4: Your Health and Wellness

  • Describe how you feel physically.
  • How often and how much do you exercise?
  • What kinds of food do you eat regularly?
  • How do you take care of your mental health to live a balanced life with little stress?
  • How do you take care of your spiritual needs?

Step 5: Your Lifestyle

  • Describe your home — the size, the design, the decor, the location.
  • What do you do regularly for fun and relaxation?
  • What do you do for continued learning, self-improvement, and personal growth?
  • Where and how often do you travel?

Step 6: Your Finances

  • Describe in general terms your financial situation — your balance of income, expenses, savings, etc.

Step 7: Your Life Vision

Using all of your answers above (and anything else you may want to add), write a life vision for yourself in paragraph form, as though you are writing a story about yourself in first person. Keep this vision posted or where you can look at it often.

Ensuite quelques remarques pour la phase d’ajustement :

  • If you aren’t sure about your vision for some of the life areas, that’s fine. Just write a very loose or general answer. Sometimes it take time for your vision to become clear.
  • You can change or alter it any time you wish. It’s your vision after all.
  • You may not achieve everything on your life vision, at least not all at once. And maybe never. That’s OK. Because the real boldness in life isn’t in the achievement of your vision. It’s in taking the actions to get there.
  • You don’t have to work on everything at once. In fact, you shouldn’t. Pick the most important thing to you now, or just choose anything in the vision, and break it down into the smallest possible tasks and actions. Then start taking the actions.
  • Try to take an action toward your vision every day. Even if you feel crappy. Even if you don’t think you’ll ever get there. Even if it’s a teeny tiny, itty bitty action. Every step forward, no matter how small, brings you closer to your vision.
  • Visualize your vision. Visualize yourself taking the actions to create your vision. This isn’t magic. There is real science behind visualization. You are rewiring your brain and creating new neural pathways to support the changes you are making.
  • Enjoy the process! Most of life is lived during times of process, not achievement.

Et finalement, pour la partie créative, pour réaliser votre tableau (message issu de la newsletter) :

So what is a Vision Board? It is simply a poster board filled with the images matching your life vision.

The purpose: to surround yourself with reminders of the life you want to have and are working toward creating. 

It’s fun to do and definitely gets you in the right frame of mind for taking action on your vision. It is also a fun project to work on with your spouse or family.

Here’s what to do:

1. Get a poster board, a big stack of magazines, and some glue or rubber cement.
2. Go through the magazines and tear out images and words that reflect the various aspects of your life vision.
3. Pick your favorites and start gluing them to the poster board. You can add writing or other design embellishments if you are inclined.
4. Put a photo of yourself in the middle of the vision board.
5. Place the vision board where you can see it every day. 

Je pense que ceux qui sont plus doués à l’ordinateur peuvent se lâcher sur leurs logiciels. Mais le côté « farfouille » de faire ça à la main doit vraiment être transformateur : rassembler des magazines, des images, mettre en page…. Prendre un tableau en liège avec des « pin’s », faire un tableau sous verre, ou juste un carton, ou un grand dessin… c’est très souple et plein de choses rigolotes à faire ! Voici un exemple de Vision Board envoyé dans la newsletter :

Je manque un peu de temps et d’imagination, mais je ferais bien mon propre « Vision Board » ! Un poster positif géant à notre image…. comme un havre de positif et une source d’encouragement tous les jours.

L’illusion de la pensée positive et son de vérité ?

Une réflexion que je mène également… car même si j’apprécie la pensée positive, et que j’essaie de devenir quelqu’un de positif, je ressens aussi beaucoup de contradictions, et je ressens ce côté « non naturel ». Devenir tout positif est une illusion quand même, parce que parfois c’est inapproprié. Voici un article très court qui fait réfléchir sur le sujet, mais ce qui m’attire le plus c’est la conclusion :

I am probably one of the most positive people you have ever met (even being able to claim that is a sign, isn`t it). In fact I think positive all the time and it is difficult for me to see a problem somewhere where most of the people see it.

However I am not following the religion of positive thinking, and I will tell you why.

There are situation where positive thinking can even harm – in a way of hiding the true picture of the issue. Cerulo, a professor at Rutgers University, wrote a book last year called Never Saw It Coming. She points out that medical workers and computer technicians—the professional troubleshooters of the world—keep our bodies and mainframes running by being paragons of pessimism. When doctors and IT workers take up a case, they begin by dispassionately assuming the worst and then move up from there. Their protocols demand precise and evolving definitions of the most severe maladies and malfunctions, while they tend to have fuzzy and almost absentminded definitions of health, well-being, and normal function. Facing a problem helps more that just being positive about it!

Since much is being spoken about positive thinking, one recent American study has shown some interesting results on the topic.

A patient’s positive or negative emotional state has no direct or indirect effect on cancer survival or disease progression, according to a large-scale new study. Published in the December 1, 2007 issue of CANCER, a peer-reviewed journal of the American Cancer Society, the study found that emotional well-being was not an independent factor affecting the prognosis of head and neck cancers.

So why am I, myself being a positive thinking person oppose it so persistently? For the same reason that I oppose many psychological methods and techniques – for the “unnatural” nature of them!

I believe that the positivity is something that comes from within, and it can not  – and should not! – be trained. Positive thinking can be taught, no doubt. But isn`t it strange when people “try to think positive”? Whatever one does on purpose does not really work in a proper way. One has to be authentic. Natural. Innocent like a child… Then everything works.

You BECOME positive when you touch your deeper SELF.

When the true beauty of your nature reveals through every cell of your body, every movement of your soul, every sparkle of your thought.

 When you KNOW YOURSELF.

(a) Des idées pour se changer la vie

Article original.

Do you have one life lesson or philosophy that has changed the course of your life?

Sometimes you can read something or have a life experience that hits you over the head with its brilliance and perfection. A huge mind shift takes place, and your life is forever altered for the better.

These can be years in the making or overnight sensations. I’ve had my share of both, and even the overnight sensations can take years to fully assimilate in my psyche.

But the important thing  is the discovery of these concepts and how you apply them to your life. Once you realize these great truths are out there, it becomes a lifelong quest to discover more of them.

That’s what personal development is all about — the ongoing search for the truths that will set us free to be who we are and to live our best possible lives.

Through my adult years, there have been many of these concepts that I’ve discovered (or that have hit me over the head) along the way. I’ve chosen 20 to share with you that have impacted me most profoundly. And I’ve suggested a resource for further reading on the topic.

1. The Power of the Present Moment

It has taken me a long time to fully grasp this one, but the power of now is probably the most life-changing concept I’ve embraced. Our entire lives are comprised of present moments, so what we do in each moment and how we choose to view our current circumstances is what determines our happiness. Don’t fritter them away — make each moment count.

Resource: The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment, by Eckhart Tolle

2. Don’t Struggle with Reality

What is happening is supposed to happen because it is happening. That sounds simple, but most of us resist our circumstances and argue with reality. As teacher and author Byron Katie reminds, “If you want reality to be different than what it is, you might as well try to teach a cat to bark.” When we stop opposing reality, and accept exactly what is, it frees us for creative thought and action based on truth.

Resource: Loving What Is: Four Questions That Can Change Your Life, by Byron Katie

3. Let the Future Unfold

This is a hard one for those of us who are planners and goal-setters. You can still plan and set goals, but hold on to them loosely. Steer your boat in the direction of your dreams, but then let the current and wind carry you forward. Don’t worry or fret about what’s around the next bend. The future has a way of taking care of itself.

Resource: Release the Future (Marianne Williamson L.A. Lecture Series)

4. Simplify Everything

I spent half of my adult life making things busier and more complicated — only to realize that busyness, things, and complications were sucking the joy out of living. When you do and have few things, you have more time to savor them fully and focus on what affords you the most pleasure and fulfillment.

Resource: Simplify Your Life: 100 Ways to Slow Down and Enjoy the Things That Really Matter, by Ellen St. James

5. Let Go of Attachments

This goes along with simplifying. And the act of simplifying certainly helps you recognize your attachments. You’ll see what I mean when you start to give away a perfectly good suit that you haven’t worn in ten years. Suddenly that suit looks really necessary. But once you do let go, you never look back. And suddenly you are lighter and freer than ever before.

Resource: The Joy of Less, A Minimalist Living Guide: How to Declutter, Organize, and Simplify Your Life,by Francine Jay

6. Don’t Believe Your Thoughts

This one was so liberating for me. For the longest time, I believed my thoughts were the definitive truth about reality. If I thought it, it must be the way it is. Now I realize that often my thoughts are completely wrong or just one perspective on truth. It is always good to find evidence to support the opposite of your thoughts, especially negative and limiting thoughts.

Resource: Don’t Believe Everything You Think: The 6 Basic Mistakes We Make in Thinking, by Thomas Kida

7. You Can Train Your Brain

The science of neuroplasticity has changed everything about the way I view my capacity for learning and adapting to new things. Our brains are not rigidly mapped as scientists once assumed. Our brains are capable of rewiring to accommodate new learning and reinforce new behaviors well into old age. Even visualizing alone can strengthen areas in our physical and mental lives.

Resource: The Brain That Changes Itself: Stories of Personal Triumph from the Frontiers of Brain Science, by Norman Doidge, M.D.

8. Focus on the Task at Hand

This is the most practical and productive concept I’ve embraced. I’ve heard it for years, but my friend Leo Babauta of Zen Habits made it real for me. He showed me how to clear everything off my desk, pick one important thing, and give that one thing the time and attention it deserved for a fixed amount of time. Now I’m not distracted and pulled in other directions.

Resource: Focus: A simplicity manifesto in the Age of Distraction, by Leo Babauta

9. Don’t Overthink

Historically I’ve had  a tendency to let my mind whir off on over-thinking tangents. I believed I could think my way out of a problem or into a great decision. Some amount of thinking might be required for these situations, but at some point you get stuck like a gerbil on a wheel. I’ve discovered some brain tricks to help me get off that wheel and break free of over-thinking.

Resource: Women Who Think Too Much: How to Break Free of Overthinking and Reclaim Your Life, by Susan Nolen-Hoeksema

 10. Find Your Passion

I went for years thinking I didn’t have a passion. Finally, at age 48, I did the work necessary to learn what makes me really happy and how to apply it to my life and work. This work is often ignored or put off, but it is the only way to learn how to create your life by design rather than by reaction.

Resource: Discover Your Passion: A Step-by-Step Course for Creating the Life of Your Dreams, By Barrie Davenport

11. Live Through Your Values

Your core values should be the blueprint for everything else in your life. Until I did the self-work mentioned above, I didn’t give my values a lot of thought. But if your life is aligned with your values, then you have a purpose and guide for every decision and action.

Resource: What Matters Most : The Power of Living Your Values, by Hyrum W. Smith

12. Stop Pleasing People

If your life is defined by pleasing others, winning their approval, or keeping them from disappointment, you are living a false life. You can’t be authentic and live this way. This impossible goal only reinforces low self-esteem and unhappiness. Once liberated from the pleasing addiction, you are free to be yourself and love yourself.

Resource: The Disease To Please: Curing the People-Pleasing Syndrome, by Harriet B. Braiker

13. Whine Less, Give More

The more I talk about my problems and focus on them, the worse they seem — and the worse I feel. I’ve discovered when I feel bad about my life, I go do something for someone else. Then I feel better. It’s amazing how that works — but only every time.

Resource: The Power of Serving Others: You Can Start Where You Are, by Gary Morsch

14. It’s Never Too Late

Using age as an excuse just doesn’t hold water. We can do most anything we want to well into old age. Why not live every single day learning, growing, and having bold adventures?

Resource: Age Doesn’t Matter Unless You’re a Cheese, by Kathryn and Ross Petras

15. Focus on Your Top 20%

Rather than trying to do it all, pick what is most important and spend your time and energy on those things. This all ties in with simplifying and focusing on the task at hand, but it’s the bigger picture. Look at all areas of your life, and decide the top 20%. Let everything else fall away.

Resource: The 80/20 Principle: The Secret to Achieving More with Less, by Richard Koch

16. Happiness Is (Partly) a Choice

Our genes and circumstances account for half of our happiness levels, but the other half is totally in our control. That allows for a big heap of happiness if we choose it. I learned so much about what can foster happiness from this resource book.

Resource: The How of Happiness: A New Approach to Getting the Life You Want, by Sonja Lyubomirsky

17. There’s Nothing to Fear

Unless we are in imminent danger, most fears are projections about a perceived future. By staying the present moment (see #1), you will see there is nothing to fear. Right now, everything is just fine.

Resource: Fearless: Creating the Courage to Change the Things You Can, by Steve Chandler

18. Create vs. React

Most of us spend our lives in reaction mode. Life throws things at us, and we respond accordingly. But you can flip that around and take control. Once you do that passion and value work mentioned above, you have the tools to create an extraordinary life by your design.

Resource: Shift your Mind: Shift the World, by Steve Chandler

19. Action is the Answer

When you don’t know what to do, just do something. When you feel afraid, do something. When you don’t want to start, do something. Any action, tiny action, will give you momentum. And that gets the ball rolling forward.

Resource: The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, Stephen Covey

20. Stay Open to Possibilities

I love author Shakti Gawain’s quote, “This or something better now manifests for me in totally satisfying and harmonious ways, for the highest good of all concerned.” When you aren’t too attached to outcomes and remain open, you might get something better than you bargained for!

Resource: Creative Visualization: Use the Power of Your Imagination to Create What You Want in Your Life, by Shakti Gawain

What concepts or life lessons have changed your life for the better? Please share in the comments.

Le bonheur d’offrir des cartes

Aujourd’hui j’ai à nouveau refait cette expérience qui m’arrive plusieurs fois par an : choisir méticuleusement des cartes à envoyer.

Ce qui m’ennuie souvent, c’est que je sais quand je commence, mais pas quand je m’arrête… Je suis lente, ça me prend beaucoup de temps pour réfléchir et mettre en pratique ce que j’ai en tête. Cette année je suis dans un tel état que j’ai passé à la trappe les cartes personnalisées, calligraphiées et dessinées. Il faut que je me sente gonflée à bloc pour ça, en énergie et en bonne humeur, et je ne trouvais ça nulle part en moi… L’homme m’a donné de superbes cartes qu’il avait reçues pour sa boîte, et je me suis dit, « aller ! Comme ça tu recycleras et tu pourras envoyer quand même des cartes ». Et effectivement, ça m’a un peu sauvée la vie car je n’aurais jamais réussi sinon (même s’il me reste une carte très spéciale de Yule/Nouvel An/Anniversaire à faire).

Je me demandais quand je le ferais parce qu’il fallait corriger les parties déjà remplies… et finalement ça m’ennuyait un peu que ça ne soit pas des cartes vierges. Mais aujourd’hui je ne sais pas pourquoi malgré le beau temps je ne trouvais l’envie de rien… et puis je me suis dit, « ben si finalement, j’ai envie d’écrire ». Alors oui, les cartes de voeux ça n’est jamais très long, sauf qu’on s’appelle Valiel et qu’on écrit des romans à tous les coups XD Cette année pas le temps, donc j’ai fait un effort, mais j’aime personnaliser mes petits mots ! Et je me suis prise tout de suite au jeu…. Choisir quelle carte pour qui, choisir la couleur, le dessin, expliquer le choix, et trouver le mot juste pour chaque personne ou groupe de personnes. Et puis finalement j’y ai pris goût !! XD J’ai pas pu m’empêcher de sortir mes crayons et de faire des petits dessins selon les cartes et les gens avec un petit mot… J’adore ! Du coup au lieu que ça soit plié en deux-deux, eh ben, ça a traîné, comme d’hab. ^^’

Et quand j’ai eu fini, même si j’étais un peu vidée, je me suis dit « quelle joie! » Ca avait fait tout le bonheur de ma journée ! C’est un truc vraiment bête… mais j’imaginais la têtes des gens, leur réaction face aux différents choix sur la carte… et voilà, j’ai le coeur qui palpite, j’ai envie d’avoir plein de temps et d’énergie pour en écrire tout plein d’autres !

Alors finalement, je me rends compte, c’est vraiment un truc personnel ça, un truc à moi, qui me fait plaisir, et qui m’inspire. 🙂